Words that Destroy Relationships
Words that destroy LOVE
Here’s something you’ve probably never considered…
There’s a conversation you’re having every day, sometimes several times a day that may be creating distance between you and those you love.
In some cases, this conversation may be partly to blame for many failed relationships and friendships gone awry.
If it is, you’re not alone. Many of us don’t even realize that the way we handle casual conversation is actually pushing people away instead of inviting them to be close.
Here’s what I mean…
If you ask someone important to you, “How are you doing today?”
And they respond, “I’m really feeling stressed.”
What would you typically say next?
Would you tell them something like one of these answers:
- “You’ll feel better tomorrow.”
But this what it really says to them: You may mean well by being reassuring. You may not intend to be dismissive by reminding them how often they complain.
- “I was stressed last week, too. Let me tell you what happened…”
But this is what it really says to them: When you change the subject toward yourself, maybe you’re just trying to “relate.”
- You’re always stressed!
But this is what really happens: When you change the subject toward yourself, maybe you’re just trying to “relate.” You may not intend to be dismissive by reminding them how often they complain.
But when someone tells you how they’re feeling and you either dismiss, minimize or change the subject, what you’re really doing is essentially (although unintentionally) communicating, I’m not interested in you or how you’re feeling.
Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship. Most people do not know how to communicate this but often causes distance. Here’s Why.
What most people want from a relationship is to be acknowledged, and more specifically, to have their feelings acknowledged. To feel loved, accepted, heard and understood.
When you inadvertently ignore a loved one’s feelings, it is destructive to your relationship.
In the future, that person may not want to discuss anything heart-felt with you because they will assume that you don’t want to hear about it.
No one likes to feel like an annoyance or a burden. They’ll say they’re “Fine,” even when they’re far from feeling fine.
And it only gets worse from there.
Over time, they will start to pull away.
They won’t come to you to share anything of significance.
They won’t trust you with their innermost thoughts.
They’ll avoid having anything but the most shallow conversation with you.
Before you know it, they’ll stop calling or coming by, and you’ll be left wondering what happened to your relationship.
Don’t let this happen to you and those you care about! Here’s what to do instead…
Keep Your Loved Ones Close (GET THE COURSE) click here
Relationships Grow And Erode According To How You Handle The “Feeling” Moment
There’s a little-known secret to having more intimacy in your life:
Your ability to create more love and good feelings between you and another person begins with knowing how to handle the “feeling moment” when it comes up.
The “feeling moment” or “sharing how they feel” is when your loved one shares how they’re feeling with you.
Statements like: “I’m feeling tired/cranky/a little pissed/not myself today” are a moment of vulnerability / sharing and a really good opportunity for you to either grow in closeness… or retreat by turning away, even if subtly.
Here’s the other part of the secret: Most people don’t want you to solve their problem or cheer them up. They want their feelings acknowledged… heard… understood. In other words… just listen!
When you acknowledge a person’s feelings, they sense that you really see them for who they are and care about what they’re going through. They feel accepted. This invites them to open up, relax and trust you.
When you dismiss or minimize their feelings, you’re inviting them to go elsewhere for true love or intimacy.
Opportunities to get closer happen In just quick moments of time
After reading this newsletter, you may recognize that you’ve pushed intimacy away without intending to do so, and maybe now you’re wondering how you can repair the damage and get close again.
I have some very good news: You are never more than a few moments away from a breakthrough in this important area of your life, no matter how many years you’ve spent unintentionally pushing others away.